It's Friday, woop woop

Psych!

Just remembered I have a new laptop.

I know, who forgets that?

IT'S SNOWING!

Ok, it's not really snowing, but no update today because I'm off work and have no access to MS Paint. 

I have a boss iMac and I can't update my comic because I don't have access to the shittiest paint program ever... 

That makes so much sense. 

Connect 4

Grade this, old man!

Opposite day

I remember opposite day. I don't remember what day it was, but for some reason, it always fell on the days that people were nice to me.

Yesterday was a holiday and I had the day off work. I drew this Sunday night, but I kept telling myself I wasn't going to put this one up because I could think of something funnier.

Turns out, when holidays roll around, I lose all initiative and motivation and become this big, videogame playing slob.

No wait... I never had initiative or motivation. What?

Where am I?

Ta-da can get you out of anything.

I used to tell people that saying "Ta-da!" can get you out of anything, and I think deep down, I still believe it.

You let an awkward fart... "Ta..da?"... You kill your neighbor and the police come to arrest you.. "Ta-DA!"

It really works in any situation.

Whose week is it?

Kind of sick today, not much of a post, but the comic made me smile.

Sorry about your pseudo-tragedy

Another week down, it's Friday night and I'm not on call until next Wednesday. What does that mean?

Well, I don't know what that means.

Aaaanyways, this Monday, Wednesday and Friday updating thing is actually pretty fun. I know the cartoons aren't that hard to draw, but finding time to do anything other than work is tough.

Coping with sadism

My sense of humor is getting ahead of me. Lately, I've found that I think of jokes at the most inopportune times. I don't think I'm a sadistic person, I just think that my brain deals with awkwardness by finding something to laugh at.

God, I hope that's all it means.

The weekend came and went, faster than I ever could have imagined, but at the end of it, I had nothing to show for it.

That, was amazing.

Sad, sad realizations

When I was around 5 years old, my grandma gave me a big box, about the size of a tv. 

I decided that I was going to turn that box into my very own Batmobile. 

I drew tires on the side, cut holes in the front that I could sit inside and shine flashlights out of for headlights. I think I even drew the bat-symbol on the back. 

Then, I had an ingenious idea. 

I made a grappling hook for my car. I took a large roll of string, tied one end to a  pencil, and attached the spool itself to my car.

I literally had visions of me throwing the pencil at things, then winding the spool as my Batmobile inched closer and closer. 

After many attempts, trying to throw the pencil at different things, it would never actually wrap around an object like Indiana Jones' whip, so I jumped out and tied it onto something, jumped back in the Batmobile and started winding. The slack pulled tight, tighter and then the string broke. 

My grappling hook fucking sucked. All of those mini-action cartoons in my head of me scaling the side of the house in my homemade crime fighting wagon were demolished with the snapping of that single string. 

Fast forward 20 years. 

I see a video online of how you can mod a normal laser pointer into the same type of laser pointers people pay thousands of dollars for. The kind that can cut through objects and burn anything. Even people. 

The kid in me comes alive. I can see myself chasing the cats, Susanne, carving my name in trees, basically being a modern day supervillain. 

I get on Amazon, order a cheap laser pointer and the tools to do the mod. 

After nearly an hour cussing at the damn thing trying to break the safety seal, I get it open, use my new micro screwdriver, tweak the screw that is supposed to make it stronger, and then haphazardly put it back together. It looks like a duct tape covered fountain pen, but holy shit, anyone who makes fun of it is getting a laser sized hole straight through their forehead. And then...

The fucking thing doesn't work. 

Immediately, I will never be a supervillain. 

I will never get to don a cape and hide in the bushes on campus, setting freshmen on fire. I will never get to hide in the trees outside my apartment and pop the mailman's truck tires with my laser. I will never walk into a bank and... well, you get the idea. 

There is no worse feeling than realizing weeks of dreaming were just dreams themselves. 

A continuation

It's been brought to my attention by someone (Jesse) that my sloth cartoon isn't as funny to everyone outside my head as it is to me. 

I'm going to take one more cartoon to try and express how fucking hilarious a guard sloth could be, after that, the joke will be laid to rest. 

Exotic Home Security

I've often wondered how awesome it would be to have a pet sloth. I mean, it's one of the only pets that if it actually runs away from you... you really didn't try that hard to catch it.

You could piss a sloth off, and three weeks later, catch it in your front yard while it's still trying to run away.